I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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