i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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