We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
