maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
