I'm going to jail i love you
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
