nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
