hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
