i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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