I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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