Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
