If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
