so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
