Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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