Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
