Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
