If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
