people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
