I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
