I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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