my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
