So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
