He asked to "fluff my boner.."
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
