Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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