I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize