Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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