I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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