DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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