Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I got inside last night via doggy door
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
