no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
