I didn't shave. On purpose
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
