you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
