i can't believe i had my finger in that
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
