When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
ugly people sure do ruin things
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
