The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
last night I used snow as a chaser
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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