Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
