I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
