i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
