I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
