i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
