So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
