Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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