I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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