why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
