kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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