Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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