I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
