dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
