I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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