Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
