im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
